Pure Chaos
by marauders1234
Summary: Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger are considered the perfect epitome of rivalry. Hogwarts, once amused by the whole predicament, have had enough. Dumbledore from his great mind has thought up an idea so great, it can turn the two disputing Heads over a new leaf. From bouncing ferrets to greasy hair, Hogwarts will now harmonize in pure chaos.
1. Chapter 1: Petrified

HEEEY!ok SO let me start off by saying that i absolutely love HP like llooooooove HP and dramione is awesome. IDK but after reading all these amazing dramione fanfics i got this crazy idea of this fanfic. I am not sure if i am going to continue it or not (maybe make it a oneshot) IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE REVIEWS I RECEIVE SO PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU LIKE MY STORY! (P.S has anyone watched despicable me 2?its HILARIOUS) this chapter is going to be a bit short as it is only introducing the story

DISCLAIMER:I wish i was J.K Rowling but sadly I...sniff...am not thus i do not own anything except my plot :)

CHAPTER 1: Petrified

Hermione Granger. 1/3 of the Golden Trio, bookworm, and the biggest, most insufferable know it all Hogwarts had ever known. Now, what might you ask she be doing at the astronomy tower at midnight? It was a question Severus Snape had pondered on since the past hour.

For a moment he had thought of busting miss goody two shoes so he could gloat all about it to the old hag. He admitted he was quite afraid of the curse the head of Gryffindor may throw upon him but he was ready to endure extreme amount of pain to see Mcgonagall seething with fury. But Snape, although reluctant to admit it, was burning with curiosity. He was desperate to see the source of Granger's sudden acts of rulebreaking.

When he heard footsteps approaching, Snape being the thoughtless person he was, took his head out of his hiding place and was so caught up trying to see the mystery wizard, plonked himself onto the cold granite floor. Yup, he was busted. The potions master was ready to drown himself in a puddle of water, a puddle only, mind you, since he was death scared even at the idea of approaching something as safe as a swimming pool. This fear, some say, was inherited by his great-great-grandmother who had lost a cat on the beach. As for Severus...he had endured a much greater amount of pain.

It was on the eve of his twelfth birthday, Snape had just received a lovely hair-conditioning charm book from Great Aunt Murphy. It would finally put an end the snide remarks awarded to him by Black and Potter. He was just on the 4th page of the book where they were showcasing solutions to greasy hair, when Bouville, his rather...large cousin, snatched the book and threw it into the pool. Since that day Severus had developed a grudge against swimming pools and cousin Bouville. He would now have to face the marauders' wretched display of humor. Coming back to the situation at hand, we must now be the audience to Snape's...interesting, for lack of a better word, ways.

As Snape rather unceremoniously plopped himself onto the floor, he did the only thing that came to his mind...the only thing which could save him from further humiliation. "Please", he pleaded "do not tell Mcgonagall of this unfortunate incident...don't...she will embarrass me to death...please I beg you". Severus exclaimed all this in a monotone adding in a very dramatic voice for an effect. Realization seemed to dawn on him when he remembered he had been wearing Potter's invisibility cloak. He had confiscated it from the Golden Boy just the previous afternoon.

Now you would think that after all the drama he thought might ensue, the Potion Master would sigh out a breath of relief but no...these were not his current emotions. The Half Blood Prince was shocked, beyond shocked...in fact he was petrified. But he wasn't petrified at his current predicament. Not even at Granger's bushy mane. No, he was bewildered at the scene that now greeted him.

"Did you just hear a sound?", chimed one Draco Malfoy to one Hermione Granger.

A/N: I know this is pretty short but if this story does get some reviews i might continue it. SO PLEASE PLEASE IF YOU LIKED THIS STORY PLEASE REVIEW! remember i might just "accidently" unleash ferret malfoy upon you ;) so BYE BYE BYE BYE REVIEW BYE BYE


	2. Chapter 2: Insanity

A/n: Started from the bottom now we are here started from the bottom now the Author's note...still there...

Disclaimer:If I was J.k Rowling Draco and Hermione would be together a lot in HP :)

CHAPTER 2: Insanity

Draco's POV

Me. Draco Malfoy. The king of Slytherin, heir to the Malfoy fortune and the amazing bouncing ferret. What was I doing roaming around Hogwarts at the peak of midnight? Let's rewind a bit to see.

"Ah... and . Please do take a seat. Care for some lemon drops?", asked our... "jolly" headmaster. "No sir, but please do inform us of the reason we are here in your ...um... comfortable office", replied the buck-toothed Gryffindor. As annoying as the little miss know-it-all was, you would think she possessed the face to make up for it...but no. She was lacking in both departments. She was the most hideous creature I had ever acquainted with. Well... third hideous after Crabbe and Goyle since the two seriously needed a visit to Margo's Beauty Shop.

Before Granger could rant more about the prediactment we were in, Dumbledore sensing the trouble, rose from his seat and began. "You see and ..." "See what headmaster...what are you showing us? Are we going to see Peter Pan...oh I love Peter Pan...wait or are you going to show me Granger's hideous face...no headmaster i shall cower my eyes as thy cannot behold a scene as unpleasant as this... MY FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS DUMBLEDORE, MY FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS...AHHHH...SHE'S COMING CLOSER...AHHHH SAVE ME MOMMY...NO!" All I heard, after my screams were dissipated, the sound of roaring laughter. I opened my eyes to see Dumbledore rolling on the floor with laughter...quite literally. When I turned towards Granger I saw her almost tear up because of the intensity she was giggling with.

I glared at both and sat down in a cool demeanour, waiting for the two to stop that hideous noise echoing from thier throats. What could I do...the prospect of having Granger's face so close to mine made me respond with a shiver. "AHAHAHA...little Malfoy is scared...AHAHAHAHA...he wants..HAHA...his HAHAHA...mommy!", shrieked Granger in that annoying voice of her's. "Granger get a grip on yourself. You look even more hideous...if that's even possible" I retorted, hoping it would be a good comeback. Boy, I seriously was losing the Slytherin in me...what was happening? "Your Mommy..HAHAHA",choked out Granger in her snotty voice. This was it. I had had enough. "I DID NOT CALL MY MOMMY...I mean mother... Mommy is...uh... the name of...my stuffed bunny." I mentally slapped myself 5820198485 times, drowned myself 4923984201 times, and cried 1344 times. Stuffed bunny? Really Malfoy...WHERE THE HELL IS ALL THAT SLYTHERIN CHARM?

Now I had done. All hell broke lose...that is to say that Granger and Dumbledore had gone completely bonkers. Their laugh was so piercing, it almost got me to call 's. To say they had gone mental was an understatement. After 25 minutes (I was silently counting) thier laughter subsidued and Dumbledore once again, after a huge show of getting up from the granite floor, resumed his talking. "As I was saying, You see and ...no I am not going to _show_ you anything, it was just a phrase." I then turned my head around to face Granger and gave her a very hard and long glare. Fortunately it worked as she did not utter a single word of the...(let's call it incident for now)...the incident.

"I have been consulting all the teachers here at Hogwarts. They always seem to have quite interesting things to say about your relationship. Although you two are the top students in all classes, you two have a certain...disliking for each other", said Dumbledore. I raised my hand high in the air and waited for Dumbledore to see it. After several annoying moments, he finally acknowledged my hand and impatiently waited for me to begin. "Professor we do not possess a disliking for each other", I exclaimed. I waited a few seconds to build suspense and then added, "We detest each other. I hate Granger more than I hate anything else in the world. She is hideous and have you seen the rat's nest resting on her head? She call's it _hair_. Ha! And then you would think that she doesn't have the face so she would atleast compensate for it by being a tolerable person. But no...no she is the biggest know-it all I have ever known!" Serves Granger right for laughing at me.

When, out of the corner of my eye, I took a glance at her, I knew she was infuriated. I also knew I wasn't going to be allowed to say all these obscenities without any exclaimation from Granger. Yup I was right. " You foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach!", she bellowed. " You think you are so smart and handsome..." "Uh-h-h Granger I dont think, I know I am smart and handsome", I smirked. "I disagree! You look like a ferret, smell like a ferret, and think like one too. Beware Malfoy I might just punch you like I did in third year." Now it was Granger's turn to smirk. How dare she mention that...that unfourtunate situation. I was beginning to see red and had just started my retort when Dumbledore, tired of our rant, interfered.

"You do see now what I was talking about. The professors and students have grown tired of this behaviour and wish to put a stop to it. I have, from my great mind... , miss granger do you need those lemon drops? They do wonders subsiduing the cough you have now suddenly possessed. As I was saying...what was I saying?", said Dumbledore as he sat on his high chair. " Oh Professor you were just telling us about that incident you had with Madame Promfrey. The one with the rotten bananas!" I stared at Granger with unbearable intensity. Had she, miss goody two shoes, just lied to a Professor? I felt like I had dropped into a parallel universe. "Yes ofcourse, ofcourse... ah so it all started when I woke up one morning and shimmied my way to The Hospital Wing. Oh how forgetful that Poppy is. She forgot about the promise I had made her to eat some bananas together on top of the Astromnomy Tower.",said Dumbledore in a dreamy voice. Me and Granger looked at each other and silently began to laugh. It was the first time we were actually laughing _with_ each other. I guess Granger did not look _so_ bad when she wasn't gigglign like a maniac and had a decent smile on her face. DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY...DID YOU JUST SAY GRANGER DOES NOT LOOK BAD WHEN SHE IS SMILING?! WHAT IS HAPPENING...I JUST DID NOT SAY THAT ABOUT THAT UGLY TROLL...well, she isn't really an ugly troll...AH STOP YOU SOFT SIDE OF ME, GRANGER IS UGLY AND SHE DOES NOT LOOK GOOD WHEN SHE SMILES! Two pairs of head turned towards me looking deeply confused. Guess I had just said that out loud...Oops?

A/N: Ok...so I did not recieve the reviews I had been hoping so desperately for...PLEASE IF YOU LKE MY STORY AND ARE READING IT PLEASE REVIEW PLEASE REVIEW PLLLLEEEEEAAAASSSSSE. THANKKKKYOOOU


	3. Chapter 3: Begginning

A/N: Hellllllo. I'm extremely sorry for the late update. But there are a few thing I want to make clear before the story. This is after the final battle and it's the Trio's 7th year. Dumbledore and Snape are not dead. I might decide to add in Sirius too but I am not sure , on with the story, amigggos!

Disclaimer: I am not J.K Rowling...'nuff said. _

Chapter 3: Beginnning

Me. Hermione Granger. Hogwarts biggest know-it-all had been left speechless for the first time. Draco Malfoy a.k.a the pureblood arse was having an internal debate concerning...me? Why was it that everyone at Hogwarts thought me to be so...infuriating? Sure I had quite a superior attitude and I wasn't the prettiest face...but was I so bad that even ferrets like Malfoy seemed to disregard me? I suddenly felt the traitorous tears escaping from the brim of my eyes. "Get a grip on yourself Granger! You have survived the insults and torments from deatheaters, toruture from Malfoy's psycho aunt and you are shedding tears for something as pathetic as this?", exclaimed coach Hutch in his rough voice. Wait... coach Hutch? Wasn't he in bed because of exclusive diarrhea. Wasn't he a...muggle? With a shudder I realized I was hallucinating. Why was it that even when I am hallucinating I see people such as the burly old buff? Why not Viktor Krum or the Weird Sisters? My life was so damn unfair...

When I finally left the deep abyss in which I had drowned myself only seconds ago, I saw Malfoy staring intently at my glassy eyes. I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to escape from the torturous tension that had suddenly enveloped the room...and from coach Hutch as he was making disturbing glances towards Dumbledore's bananas. I squeaked out an "excuse me" and headed towards the door. By the time I reached the Fat Lady's portrait, I was in hysterics. Ignoring worried remarks casted by fellow Gryffindors, I sprinted towards the door, locking it once I entered the threshold. I settled myself on the plush covers of the elegant bed and cried till dawn about my blasted fate...well not really since I got distracted by the box of Choclate Frogs Ginny had left on her bedside tale. I tried to remember to apologize to Ginny. After all they had been given to her by Harry and she wouldn't be too happy when she discovered I ate 'em all.

Draco's POV

As soon as the words erupted from my mouth I knew they would cause trouble. For a second everything remained quiet (a miracle really considering the chaos moments ago) and then I was staring at Granger's glassy eyes.

Wait...Granger's glassy eyes?

She was...crying?

Because of...him?

Granger did not give me enough time to ponder on these thoughts as she raced out of Dumbledore's office.

Now you see, despite popular belief, I am NOT an evil person. Yes I was once a deatheater. My whole family strived to cut Mud- Muggleborns into tiny little pieces and feed them to their owls...but I am not ... maybe... I am a little evil but the war really evaporated all our nuisance about pure blood and what not.

After the war ended Lucius and Narcissa (not mommy and daddy, Draco, not mommy and daddy...) were (of course) put in breach of serious charges. Potter, being the saint he was, once again proved himself a hero (a skimpy one for that) by justifying for both. Mother's lie in the Final Battle had indeed saved Potter and according to every wizard in the universe, anyone who helps The-Boy-Who-Just- Wouldn't-Die is considered a saint (eye roll inserted). As for Lucius, he exclaimed th man was a fool and had accidently allowed himself to be swayed by Voldemort. Father was furious at Potter for calling him a fool and was ready to disintegrate him but one glance at Mother's glaring eyes convinced him not to.

I found it exceptionally hilarious how Narcissa suddenly held an influence over Lucius' behaviour. Serves him right for laughing at the ferret incident.

Malfoys are in no need of money. We have enough Galleons to last generations with luxury. But one, after sitting in the Manor all day, certainly does get bored. Lucius was tired of sitting around the Manor listening to Narcissa's boring rants about tea parties and fancy drapes. So he decided to open a Potions lab in one of the dungeons, calling it Malfoy's Magical Moments...okay, maybe...just maybe...he did not name it that but you got to agree the name's pretty catchy on the tongue. Father,however, didn't seem to think so as he left my robes in flames after the suggestion...he seems to be doing a lot of disintegrating lately...mother will definitely hear about this.

So as I was saying...I am not an evil person. But one after achieving thier life goal certainly does get proud. Since the first time Hogwart's Express had left the platform, I had devoted myself to constantly harass the Golden Trio, especially the Know-it-all. When she finally broke down today I felt bubbles of excitement erupting inside of me. Somewhere in there was a twinge fo remorse but it was shaded by the giddiness I was experiencing.

Third Person POV

One would be insane to mess with Hermione Granger when she was in a bad mood. Her aura was enough to scare the daylight out of any Hogwarts student...except three. Harry Potter was used to see his best friend in her infuriating moods. Ronald Billius Weasley was too involved with the feast to notice anything but the tarts and puddings. And Draco Malfoy was a Slytherin who seemed unaffected and quite amused by Miss. Granger's threats.

"Get out of my way!", exclaimed Miss Granger, the very next morning after the meeting, with an edge in her voice. The poor first year Hufflepuff, not used to Hermione's tempermental moods, froze in horror.

"Now,now Granger that's no way to treat a poor first year, is it?", drawled Malfoy with his infamous smirk. As soon as her sights fell on the Slytherin Prince 's anger increased a notch or two. The poor Hufflepuff ,stuck between the two, was unware of the impending doom he would face standing between the two sworn enemies.

"You-You", Hermione started. " I must praise myself for making the Great Hermion Granger splutter over her words. What can I say? I have that effect on Hogwart's female population. After all, I am the most handsome man in the universe", retorted Draco cockily.

"Hermione aren't you coming to the Great Hall for-", The-boy-who-lived halted when he caught sight of Draco's smirking face. He turned an interesting shade of purple and dragged furious Hermione to the Great Hall.

Draco silently cursed Potter. Although Draco didn't like to admit it, he had fun having arguments with Granger. She was the only one who actually had intelligent remarks matching his wit. Crabbe and Goyle were incredibly stupid, Pansy was very girly, and Blaise was...well he was Blaise.

When Malfoy entered the Great Hall, his eyes instantly started wandering around the crowd in search of Granger's bushy mane. He made his way to the Slytherin table when he finally found her sitting amidst Potter and the Weasel. He was hoping she would look at him so he could smirk at her but Granger at the moment was busy scolding Weasel to chew properly. Draco, while munching on his apple, continued staring at Granger.

"Got the fancy fever for Granger have you, Draco?",exclaimed Blaise whilst sitting next to his best mate.

And that was exactly why he did not like to indulge into conversations with his best mate Blaise Zabini.


	4. Chapter 4: Confusion

**DISCLAIMER: DON'T OWN 'EM.**

Hermione Jean Granger was in a horrible mood. She collided with Trelawney in the corridor sprouting some rubbish about her future, received an E on her Potions essay, and had to partner up with Millicent Bulstrode in Charms. Then there were Draco's cruel words repeating in her head constantly. And since when did she call him _Draco_?

Transfiguration was a completely different story. McGonagall decided to amuse herself by dividing the class Gryffindor/Slytherin. "Class," she croaked out in her stern voice, "Today we will be working on our collaboration skills with different houses."

She glared at the students, daring anyone to oppose on the idea. "You will pair yourselves up with one person from your house and two from another. Gryffindors and Slytherins, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. Scramble along now."

Hermione chanced a glance at Ron and Harry who had literally ran to each other. Those two were always stuck on the hip. She sighed softly, shaking her head at their antics. Neville approached her and the two slowly made their way to find their Slytherin partners. "Granger! Want to partner up with this handsome gal?" Hermione turned around to see Draco sprinting toward them with a smirking Blaise Zabini in tow.

"Why in the world would ferret want to pair up with us?", chorused Hermione. She was definitely not in the mood to play Malfoy's games.

"You wound my ego Granger. Isn't it obvious? We are the two smartest students in our year. By working together we will definitely get an O," replied Draco. As much as it hurt Hermione to agree with the ferret, she knew he was right. She could definitely use his brains. Although she had never talked to Zabini, Granger knew he was also blessed with an intelligent brain.

"Fine, but we are sitting in the last row," exclaimed Hermione in an exasperated tone. Unbeknownst to the brunette, the Malfoy heir was now upholding a small smile.

Blaise was completely and utterly shocked. Malfoy was acting an extra shade of strange. He had stormed out of the Great Hall when he joked about miss-know-it-all and then had ran after Granger and Longbottom so they could all pair up, rainbows fluffy bear and all. If Blaise hadn't known any better, he would have declared Draco as a love sick puppy. But he knew that the Malfoy heir could not-would not ever think of the Gryffindor Princess in such a way. _Right?_

He was interrupted from his deep thought by Granger's bellowing voice commanding them to sit on the right side as the left one was "infested with dirty Slytherins". "Now, I want two of you on the left and two on the right side of the room facing your partners. We will be practicing an ancient spell, which has challenged a number of wizards. This spell is quite hard to produce. This is not because it is challenging to a wizard but because it requires all casters to be emotionally bonded. Today onwards we will be working together to get to know each other and will spend quite a few classes this way. Then you and your partners will cast the spell which will be tested by me and will be a major part of your final evaluations." McGonagall swished her cloak not much unlike Snape and sat down on her desk unaware of all the hateful glances sat her way. "Well, what are you waiting for? Start your assignments already."

Blaise was aware of one thing right now-McGonagall had just lost her favorite student's respect.

Hermione stormed through the hallway cursing her blasted life. She was enraged with McGonagall's assignment. Working with the sly Slytherins was bad enough, now they had _bond_ to produce the spell. However, Granger being the perfectionist was determined to produce the spell even Merlin was reported to have difficulty with. It was a challenge and Hermione Granger _NEVER, _like ever_,_ lost a challenge.

But things were really not turning out to be in her favor. Transfiguration was a disaster! Neville, who was easily intimidated by the likes of Malfoy, stuttered and fumbled over his words and the trio, could not understand a single thing he said about his life apart from frogs and pumpkin pasties. Malfoy would not utter a single word about himself as he sat enjoying the frightened looks Neville sent in his direction. Zabini-well Blaise as had insisted she called him- was actually a very pleasant partner. He had a few snide comments along with his snarky ways, he was a Slytherin after all, but was much better than the likes of Malfoy. His enthusiasm did provide her a sense of relief. At least someone was willing to cooperate with her.

When Hermione reached the Great Hall, she was astounded. Malfoy stood plastered on the concrete wall presumably waiting for her as all the students had already left for the feast. For a few seconds Hermione had to stand back and admire him. He had a lean body with muscles developing from all the Quidditch. His prominent chin stood out on his chiseled face while his soft hair fell gently on his face. She felt a sudden urge to run her hands all over it. The most enchanting thing though about Malfoy's features were his eyes. His stormy grey eyes, which could bewitch anyone with its intimidating stare.

"See something you like Granger," smirked Draco. Yep, Malfoy's imprudent voice had just ruined the view.

"Nah I am not into ferrets. Humans are more my thing," retorted Miss. Granger. Malfoy's astonished face did wonders to her mood but he soon masked his surprise with an amused face. "Oh really? And here I sat thinking about your future with a certain weasel. You know what Granger; I think you _should _go for the weasels. They really do compliment your hair," was Draco's cocky reply

"And YOU know what Malfoy? You should take that ugly face of yours and shove it up Goyle's arse." Hermione reached towards the door trying to hide the pinkish tint that had covered her whole face but as soon as her hand met the cherry oak incarnates, a hand lay itself on her shoulder.

**DRACO'S POV**

I had officially gone bonkers. Granger had managed to make me go completely ballistic. I don't know why I did it. I don't understand how my hand was suddenly resting on her shoulder. It was as if I didn't have control of my anatomy. My hand (which I had control over; glare inserted) was now tugging on Granger's soft velvety arm. She cast me a surprised glance and I quickly let go. "Uh you had a…uh…Bludderboost up your arm."

"Um…excuse me." Granger casted me a worried look. Great, now she thinks I am loony like Lovegood. "Uh…yeah. Very ancient piece of…invisible magical creature. You-you wouldn't know."

"And how would you? I have never read of something like that in any book." Why in the world was Granger so stubborn? Couldn't she believe the innocent me? She really was urging me to use _The Smolder. _And when the smolder came everyone of 'em fainted. Why in Merlin's name was I so handsome.

"Pfft…they wouldn't have anything about bundyboost in _this_ library. I am talking about the one in the Manor. We have an excessive and very versatile collection."

"You have a _library_ in the manor?," exclaimed a fascinated Granger. After a moment of utter astonishment, she came back to her senses, very unfortunate for poor innocent me. "Wait…didn't you say it was Bludderboost?"

"Whatever Granger I don't have all day to make small talk with you. I just wanted to tell you that Dumbledore asked us to meet him again as you ran away last time. I'll meet you in front of your dormitory at midnight," I quickly called out. If I had waited to see her reaction, I would have nightmares for days.

The feast was in full swing when I went inside the great hall. Everyone was shoving pumpkin pie in his or her mouths. Disgusted, I made my way to the Slytherin table and took a seat beside Blaise. He turned around to face me and gave me a knowing smirk. "I see you are late Draco. What was the cause of this sudden sense of tardiness?"

"I wasn't with Granger," I tried, lying to my best friend.

"I never said you were," he smirked.

"No really I hate her," I tried again.

"I never said you didn't." Zabini's smirk grew wider.

"I don't like granger!" I finally yelled in an exasperated tone. I was met with several quizzical brows. I decided I didn't have an appetite anymore and rushed out of the Hall.

"I never said you did," said Zabini with the largest smirk possible. That jerk.

**A/N: SORRY FOR THE EXTREMELY LATE UPDATE! Can you guys pleeeeeaaaaasssssseeeee review? THankyooouuu!**


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